Thursday, July 29, 2010

3 Reality Shows That Should Be Combined

It seems in today's society reality TV seems to be the craze. There is everything from dating-based competition, job search, sports, self-improvement/makeover, renovation, social experiment, talk shows (GO TOSH.O), hidden camera, hoaxes, supernatural, etc. That's just to name a few. There's probably a little debate on when reality TV hit it big. Some say it was with cops in 1989, or with Americas Funniest Home Videos in the same year. It could also be the 1st Real World which aired in in 1992. Reality TV however can be traced back to1948 with Allen Funt's Candid Camera followed by the classic game shows of the 60's and 70's .But I think we all can agree that there is at least one reality show out there that is your guilty pleasure. So I wanted to share my thoughts on 3 Reality Shows that should be combined to make the ultimate programming experience.

1. Celebrity Apprentice meets Big Brother
- We'll start off with a PG one and work our way up to the juicy stuff. As Americans we've always had an infatuation with celebrities and the gossip and drama that follow them. I never really got the big idea, they are just people like you an me. But I guess some peoples lives are that dull, boring, and worthless where they have to keep up with their favorite celebs. Here's the premise of the show. Lock all the celebs down in a house being filmed 24/7 and watch what happens. Celebs have some pretty big egos and we all know what happens when giant egos collide, drama and chaos prevail. I can see it now, non stop arguments about who is the bigger celebrity, who makes the most money, and who had sex with who. Being filmed 24/7 will be able to show you how your favorite celebs really are, people and douche bags just like us. This is actually something that could possibly be a show in the future, but my next 2 are a little bit more TV MA..

2. Celebrity Rehab meets Survivor
- How Awesome would this be! Have a bunch of drug addicted celebs on a deserted island fighting for immunity to be the last one sober. This would actually be beneficial for them. What better way to get off drugs than on a tropical island with blazing heat and no drugs within 100's of miles. No cell phones, computers, agents, managers, of anyone who waited on them hand and foot. The families will just setup them up to be kidnapped and taken to the island so the don't have time to prepare and they'll have no clue what is going on. Once on the island Jeff Probst will jump out of the bushes to bear the news of what is going on. I can see it now, 12 celebs quitting cold turkey thrown into a situation they had no idea was coming. I'd imagine there would be a lot of people going at each others throats and comments like "you know who I am". When 1 of them wins a challenge they do not only get immunity but will also get a small portion of the drug of their choice. Granted this beats the purpose of sobering up, but I'm looking for something hilarious and not something that's a tear jerker.

3. Top Shot meets any VH1 dating show
- Dating shows are by far the worst reality TV and VH1 took it to the next level of horrible programming. These shows search for the nastiest, skanky dumb women they can find to compete for the heart of a "Fake" celebrity. The big networks at least add in some women with a brain and a little, I mean a little class. The plot of this show is plain and simple. The top shot competitors just pick off all the contestants 1 by 1 while running around in an enclosed area. The last one standing wins their life. No need to make it an entire season, just one 2 hour special for your viewing pleasure. Watch your favorite dirty girls of all time be eliminated 1 by 1! This would also be a HUGE favor to America, getting rid of these filthy pieces of trash with the IQ of a rock. They make me ashamed to call myself an American. Granted we have a lot of self freedoms, but being a flashy whore should be outlawed and be enforced with the death penalty. Or they could just join these shows joint venture.

Jersey Shore Season 2 Premiere tonight @ 10:00PM (My guilty pleasure thanks to a gentleman named Dave U.)

See ya tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Story of the Bastard Bee

So if this is going to work I REALLY have to set it up right. But to be honest, most might not find it that funny cause it's one of those you had to be there things. But for the peeps involved, this is probably one of the most memorable and funny moments of all time. Here's the back-story. Ever since I was young I have been deathly terrified of bees, actually anything that flies and can sting you (bees, wasp, hornets, etc). I found this out when I was about 7 years old and got stung by a honey bee on the knee and it swelled up to the size of a melon. So now every time I see a bee I run away like a woman. So here is how the story goes!!!

It was another day just like any other on a mild but crisp spring afternoon. I was going about my normal work day when I was contacted by a fellow co-worker with plans to have an extravagant lunch at the classy, but fair priced Houlihans. After contemplating my options of what and where to eat I decided to embark on this magical journey and make every effort to make this the best lunch ever. So it was around 11:15 when myself, and my friends Bennett (Rockstar) and Kathryn (we miss you) decided to head on out to eat. The lunch was oh so delightful but I honestly can't remember anything we had to eat, cause that's not the point of this story. We finished our lunch and headed out to the car to go back to work. If you know the UCF area, it's a cluster F*** of dumb college students who pop their collars and have man crushes of Ryan Secrest. There is also a median running down the middle of the road the entire length of University Blvd so you have to go out of your way and attempt death defying u-turns. As we pull out of the parking lot and head south towards Alafaya Blvd we begin to roll down the windows oh so slightly in order to keep the A/C in, but open enough to ash our cigarettes (I'm actually trying to quit now and Bennett the Rockstar gave me one today, thanks bud). Now keep in mind the windows are literally only open about 1 inch. This is where the story takes the turn.

We are at the stop light getting ready to make our U-turn, I'm jamming out to country music just to piss off Kathryn and Bennett, just being my normal self. As I begin to ash my cigarette the light turns green and it's go time. Right as I'm about to bust a u-turn this Bastard of a Bee hunts me down in my car, being directed towards me by the scent of my deathly fear of him. I lock my eyes on him and focus 100% of my attention on this beastly creature. And as sure as Adam Lambert is gay, this bastard of a bee fly's directly into the 1inch crack in the window in order to inflict pain and terror upon me. But I'm better and smarter than him. While I'm driving a moving car and in a u-turn motion I scream like a little girl and within 1 second, I'm out of my seat belt and diving into Rockstar Bennett's lap who is sitting in the passenger seat. When I say I jumped in his lap it is no joke, I literally had 80% of my awesomeness all over him. While this is all happening I hear what seems to be a pack of hyena's, but it turned out to be Kathryn dying laughing in the back seat and turning so red she easily could of spontaneously combusted. Unfortunately, this Bastard Bee was killed in the process but he left us with something that will last forever...AN AWESOME STORY THAT WE'LL ONLY EVER UNDERSTAND!!

Keep on Rocking Bennett
We miss ya Kathy (I mean Kathryn)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

First Blog Post

So en light of the the 21st century I have finally decided to break down and create a blog about my thoughts on life, culture, and to make fun of dumb people. I guess I'll start out about telling you all a little about myself so you can get idea where I'm coming from . 1st and foremost I have an awesome family who I would do anything and everything for. I grew up in STL and moving away from the placenta of the US was the best thing I ever did. Granted I miss the Cardinals and Imo's pizza but the place sucks away your dignity and soul and puts your balls in a grinder. I spent some time in good ole Dirty Jersey which was pretty sweet but the northeast is for rich folk and Guido's. (Jersey Shore season 2 on Thursday 7/29) yes that was a plug. I went to school for recording and business and spent about 3 years working in hip hop which was definitely a 24/7 hustle. I did little bit of everything from A&R, contract negotiations, and eventually took the head engineer position at Phat Buddha Productions. Unfortunately, music is a grimy and dirty industry where the only way to make it is to suck ass, and I told myself long ago never to go ass to mouth....NEVER. So that brings us to the present. I'm not going to mention what I do or where I work cause that adds to the mystery of the legendary "Cheeks Ba Deeks" (thanks Jodi P), plus there's nothing really to exciting about my work besides my uber hip cubicle neighbor. So that's it for my first ever blog post, and there will be many more funny and exciting ones to come. But I'll leave you with a thought of the day...nevermind...I forgot what I was going to say.